Hunt for certainty...

Aa raha paas ya door main ja raha,janu na main hu kaha pe...Very beautiful lyrics of the song "dooriya" from the movie "Love aaj kal"..After listening to this song 4 times continuously, I was obligated to reveal my comments & my thoughts..I loved the movie..I guess it is meant for my generation..It displays this turmoil that is constantly going on between your mind & your heart.

In this race for success & prosperity, for money & career, we sometimes, tend to compromise with our sentiments.The youth is emotional,has feelings but sometimes it is considered "not cool".One keeps his/her emotions aside because your head is out-powering your heart. Your head tells you to be pragmatic, to think rationally & you take decisions; not knowing that you are compromising on a lot.

Its like that golden gate, that luxury or that career that seems sometimes so attractive & tempting that you supress your heart, feeling that it will all be okay & that this is the 21st century,time to get real & practical.

But it doesnt always work.Sooner or later you do realise that what you are running away from, you have unknowingly carried it with you,all along the way.The more you part with something, the more difficult it gets. So what should one do in such cases?Hmm....Even I dont know..Guess leave it at it..!!!

The best you can do is probably just set yourself free coz the more you hold yourself or enclose in a shell, the more complicated things would get.So set your mind free.Let it wander for a while,get some fresh air,sort out your entangled thoughts,re-organise them & then it would surely come back to you!!! As someone has rightly said, time is the best medicine. But I feel, "you" have a major role to play too!!!

Going down the memory lane....

Monsoons,cold,chilly mornings,steaming cup of coffee are so associated with memories,nostalgia..Memories of your childhood,of growing up,of your school,of your first stage performance,of your hostel,the late night maggi sessions,bunking classes,movies,friends...So many...

And I guess the time you start realising this or begin going down the memory lane is when it dawns upon you that you are growing up,getting independent,are responsible for your actions,working,earning...And trust me you do not like it that much...

You then want to be that kid again with no worries,with no fears of the world,with no complicated people to deal with..All you had to do was finish your homework,drink a cup of bournvita & go to play..Life was so simple then...I remember sneaking into my mother's room,opening her cupboard & quietly draping her saree,wearing her heels & playing teacher-teacher all day long on sundays.I used to even keep my old notebooks in place, in order to be able to check them,give remarks.My father had bought me a duster,chalks & a blackboard,that was always hanging on the wall of my room.One of my other favourite things as a kid was playing the beauty parlour game.And my only loyal customer throughout, used to be my dad.He never ever denied to be the victim of my experiments & face tortures.I used to tie his hair(even though it was difficult to do that,with such little hair) I never gave up & neither did he;apply my mom's lipstick,talcom powder & there he was..Appearing/pretending to be very content with his beautician & in return give a kiss on my cheek & some paper notes which had some numbers written on them.We called that money:-) I really admired & still do my dad's patience & his enthusiasm which would put a teenager to shame.He would & is still so full of exuberance.I remember,when he used to return back home from work all tired,the moment he used to see me & my sister he would get all geared up & pamper us with our demands.He still does that.

I am so previledged to have such a cool father.He was a kid when me & my sister were young and now he is a friend to us.I remember having my first glass of wine with him when I turned 18 and believe me he was the one who said I could.

I really admire & look upto him for so many things- his benevolence, his respect for my mother, his genuine concern, not just towards human beings but also animals & above all for the genuine person that he is.He is not very good with words but his eyes,his gentle touch radiates inexplicable warmth & never-ending love for his beloved ones.

And now after living by myself I hate to be called independent because there is still this little kid in me who still wants to be dependent on her parents,ask them or take their permission for the smallest of things..I dont feel prepared to take my own decisions because that reminds of being independent & start of a life/venture away from home,away from my family..

I guess its time to bring my wandering mind back in place,to face this reality but some things like these simple pleasures,memories would never change & I would not let any time phase,age,distance take that away from me...

Paranoia

I wanted to write for a long time now but was wondering what should I blog about. And what better than the current hot topic reigning & ruining our lives: H1N1 virus
The mere utterance of this virus brings nausea to me. I mean I understand the seriousness of it but there is nothing to get paranoid about. It is just a simple flu. The only difference being that it is not very common & was unheard of in India. People around getting unnecessaily hyper makes the atmosphere really tense. I was home last weekend & when I reached the outskirts of Pune, the city reminded me of the epidemic here. Alomost everyone was seen wearing a mask, even the autowallas, people walking on the streets, car drivers, everyone. Thats when it dawned on me that the city is indeed scared.
I really think the reason behind this hype & tension is the media. Flashy headlines, back & forth display of the same news, scary reporters with their terrifying & panicky news readings is making matters worse. It is making people, who are quite calm & composed, worry.
It is just a matter of time when people would get immuned to this disease as well & summon the courage to fight this battle against SWINE FLU. Common we cannot let hideous pigs create a ruckus in our lives!!!

Persuit of happiness....

What does one really want?I am not using the word "need",but want!!You might "need" the basic necessities of life but "want"?Perhaps that is asking for a little more joy,more pleasure,more luxury,more belongingness,more care,more kindness,more love.Yes thats what it is.This world has a limited supply and a little less space for these emotions,I guess.

Or let me put it this way.There is too much love when you actually not looking for it (Wonder why would anyone not want love, but anyway) and suddenly it is all desserted & desolated when you crave for it the most.It amuses me,the way life functions or should I say,makes you witness the harsh reality??

I have met people who have everything but are too busy planning their career,expecting a perfect life,setting explicit ideals (at the stake of their happiness & their contentment) in search of I don't know what.In this hunt for more one forgets that the competition is not with the world but with self.We have to face our own selves in the mirror,should be able to meet our own eyes.

In this hustle bustle, take a moment to stop & just look around.At the beautiful sky,the new flower that is swinging in your garden,the unconditional love of your dog,the proud feeling in the eyes of your parents when you did something nice,the watchman who salutes you everytime you come in or go out.I guess we have taken a lot of things for granted.There is no perfect world or a perfect man.It is these small things that matter & make it all perfect.

Confusion....

Cant figure out anything...Really...Is it just me or the whole generation..I dont know...I am not sure what I want in life..As in I am content and all..But sometimes I feel, is that I am expecting a little 2 much..And that it is impractical 2 hav a fantasy world of yours..Have dreams that 'might' not be accomplished..Live in the perfect world of yours..I know it doesnt sound rational..But then a voice inside me refuses 2 come out of this fictious world..
I wish for a certain thing and when it happens I am not happy..I mean I should be happy coz I wished for that 2 happen..I dread shouldering responsibility sometimes..What is wrong with me??What do I want?
Sitting in my office, when I look outside the window the cloudy weather & the arrival of monsoon makes me sad..Why, when infact I love rains..Why do you feel happy at one time & suddenly feel low...
Something is incomplete..Something missing...

Thoughts...

A rainy day...a window pane....steaming cup of tea...a book...and a beautiful countryside... Sounds so exciting and so soothing...I often wonder, how it must be to live a life away from the civilization, away from the city's hustle-bustle, away from the constant buzz of the mobile phones, away from the tensions & worries, away from the corporate ethics, the etiquettes..a land far far away...
I often dream of a mud house in a remote area surrounded by coconout trees, long narrow lanes, chirping of the birds, sound of the waves, fragrance of the wet soil...A land with no network coverage..A land that will make you hear the silence...Where you would never be betrayed..never be hurt..Where you don't have to wear a false smile and transform yourself into a stranger, who you do not recognize...A land where you can embrace the earth, fall asleep peacefully and never feel scared...
Then a sudden horn on the road, wakes me up and reminds me that, this is where I belong.. This is my home, my abode..It makes me realise that life can never be perfect, never be ideal...

A Goodbye I would never forget!!!

It was a breezy monsoon evening...An evening I dreaded the most..An evening I was not looking forward to...An evening I thought arrived a little too early...An evening when I had to bid farewell to my angel,my little sister,I love the most...
She came to Mumbai with my parents..A little excitement on her face as she was to experience a whole new life in a whole new country but a lot of nervousness to face it all..I avoided looking into those eyes which had so many questions,which were just about to burst..
The whole evening we made conversation which was not called for at that moment,which made no sense and was irrelevant..I cracked some silly jokes which I later realised were very stupid..She spoke about the weather,about their drive from home,about Mumbai's traffic..Was it necessary?Of course not..We were just avoiding 'The Goodbye Talk'.
And the time to go to the airport finally arrived.I haven't understood till date as to why does the time fly so quickly when you do not want it to?And otherwise it just refuses to move.We all went to the airport.I kept telling her that she would like it there and that time would just fly very quickly and that she would be home soon.I was actually assuring and consoling myself rather than giving her the strength.
And then she left.She was gone.I saw her walking past the crowd,waving at us,wiping her eyes and forcing a smile on her face."I would be just fine di.Don't worry about me.Just take care of aai-baba",she kept saying.That was when I realised that my little sister was not little anymore.She had grown into a beautiful lady.I felt so proud.
She almost disappeared in the crowd.And then it struck me like a bolt of lightening that she has gone.As in,gone.I would not see her for a long time now.
My mother burst into tears.My father kept looking elsewhere to hide his emotions which were flowing from his eyes.I held myself back fom crying.I could'nt afford to actually.I had to be strong for my parents.But once they left home and I reached my hostel,I let myself free...